Learning to Live in the Present

The more I look inward, the more I start to dislike who I used to be—not in a self-hating way, but in an “I can’t believe I lived like that” kind of way. Meditation and quieting my mind have given me the chance to observe myself from a second-person point of view rather than just being trapped in my own head. I get to watch my thoughts leave my brain, see how they shape my actions, and understand myself in real time. It’s teaching me what it truly means to live in the present—not the future, not the past. And honestly? Living in the present is one of the hardest things a human can do.

Even a quiet scroll can get loud when your mind isn’t still. Learning to pause, breathe, and shift your energy in real time

When people say, “Be present,” or “Stop living in the past,” what does that really mean? Exactly what it sounds like. Unless you’re fully focused on every detail of what’s happening in this exact moment, most of your thoughts are either about something that already happened or something that hasn’t happened yet. For example, worrying about “How am I going to pay this bill?” is a future thought. Thinking, “My boyfriend was wrong for what he did last night,” is a past thought. Both are valid, but they pull you out of now.

That’s why I stepped back from Facebook recently. It was too loud in my head. I’d scroll through friends’ updates, get lost in their lives, and completely disconnect from my own present moment. Taking a break gave me clarity—and also reminded me of all the things I’d been ignoring, like the basement I promised myself I’d clean for two weeks or the bathroom I swore I’d get to “yesterday.” Facing my own space, my own life, helped me realize something important: If I don’t deal with my past, it will always have permission to intrude on my present. (For the record, I finally cleaned that basement last night.)

After that productive moment, I decided to relax and scroll through TikTok. And wow—the internet felt loud. Video after video of other people’s lives reminded me of a reality I don’t miss. But what really got me was a post from a friend. It triggered old feelings—anger, distrust, and judgment. In my head, I kept thinking, Lies, lies, lies.

But here’s where the shift happened. Because I’ve been working on quieting my mind, I caught myself in the act. I was literally watching myself throw a mental tantrum. I told myself, “Stop. Listen.” So I did. I listened to her words. My thoughts softened, and I left a sweet comment.

Then, after sitting with it, I realized something: my comment wasn’t coming from love. It looked kind, but my energy wasn’t aligned with it. I started panicking, wanting to retract it. That’s when I stopped again. Instead of spiraling, I shifted my energy. I texted her something I truly meant from the heart, free of judgment or malice.

That moment showed me just how much meditation has changed me. Without this practice, I wouldn’t have caught myself. I wouldn’t have paused long enough to stop old habits from creeping in. I would’ve acted on a feeling I’d later regret. Now I know: quieting the mind isn’t about perfection—it’s about awareness. It’s about catching yourself in real time and choosing differently.